Stage to Page is celebrating local writers all month long by publishing their perspectives on themes related to our production of Sex with Strangers by Laura Eason. #stagetopageptc

Andrew Keller is a musician and writer. He performs in the bands Hermit Thrushes, Snow Caps, and Jonagold, and is a Senior Editor at Painted Bride Quarterly, a literary magazine based out of Drexel University and New York University. Here Keller writes from the viewpoint of Ethan Kane, the ambitious and seductive young author in Sex with Strangers.

 

 I’m just trying to be real. I heard that’s what chicks like, right? A guy who can talk about his STD scares. A guy as open as some of the sores he’s had. Is that what people mean when they say that people should share their past? If not, maybe there’s something I just don’t get.

The Last Blog Post of Sex with Strangers

By Ethan Kane

Alright, so I know a lot of readers of my blog have been waiting for a while. It’s been a few years, but I’ve been busy trying to write another book. I’m guessing all of you have read my first book, since it’s a bestseller and I’m a VIW – that stands for Very Important Writer, if you numbskulls are too thick to understand…

Anyway, you know me: I get what I want. Sure, a lot of the girls I had sex with didn’t want to have anything to do with me when I told them about my blog. But it’s like, who cares. I’m just being me and if they have a problem with that, so be it. A lot of girls have accused me of being a brash jerk, but I couldn’t care less. Guys like me get book deals.

But I have feelings, too, okay? I know that may surprise some of the girls I’ve had sex with, but I do. Sometimes, when a girl I meet at a bar says she doesn’t want to have sex with me, it takes me at least two sips of beer to forget about it and move on to the next girl who may also tell me she doesn’t want to fornicate. It’s a tough world out there for Ethan Kane.

Also, sometimes emotions of – I don’t know what to call them, attachment? – surface at the most inopportune times. At times, I even get the urge not to write something salacious about the sex we had. It’s like I just want to have a conversation and actually get to know the girl before we can do anything else.

But hey, I’m just trying to be real. I heard that’s what chicks like, right? A guy who can talk about his STD scares. A guy as open as some of the sores he’s had. Is that what people mean when they say that people should share their past? If not, maybe there’s something I just don’t get.

I’ve come to realize that I need a change from writing this blog. My posts should last as long as, and be as powerful as, my orgasms. In other words, I’d rather not write long selections anymore, because I have a very short attention span. As an example, in the middle of writing that last sentence, I sent a text message and checked Facebook five separate times.

Which brings me to the final point I’d like to make: I’d like to officially announce my retirement from blog writing. There are too many words to contend with. If you’re reading this and you care – by which I mean you’re not a girl I boned who’s mad at me for some reason – follow me on Twitter from now on, or just keep an eye out for my next book, which will probably be a collection of erotic haiku.

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